Revising with Williams

"Course changes are located within the course description. Just click on the course to display any changes that may have occurr ed"-original sentences.

Course changes are located within the course description. Clicking on the course, will display any changes that may have occurred.-revision

It seems that the writer is writing more like he or she is speaking. The word "just" in the sentence is an unnecessary word. This word would work if the writer was having a phone conversation or speaking the someone in person. When giving directions in writing, I think that they should be more direct. In chapter 3, Williams' discusses "Cohesion." This may not be an exact example, but I think that this sentence relates to "Meaning Subjects and Topics for Flow." This sentence relates to the second sentence, referring back to the first sentence.


"We want to make you aware of the features and tools for both current and prospective students in the new online catalog that were not previously available."-original sentence

In the updated online catalog, we want to make current and new students aware of the new features and tools.-revision


The original sentence does not come together for me. I do not understand what the writer is trying to get across. The word "prospective" also confused me because I was not sure if the writer was referring to new students or a particular group of students. I am assuming that the writer is referring to new students or students that might be interested in enrolling at Eastern Michigan University. The revision sentence seems to flow better. Instead of using the word"new," I used the word"updated." As a current student, I know that the online catalog resource is not "new,"in a sense . I think that this sentence relates to "Clarity" which is found in chapter two of Williams' Style. On page 23, Williams writes, "If you find(1) you have to go more than six or seven words into the sentence to get past the subject to the verb and (2) the subject of the sentence is not one of your characters, take a hard look at the sentence; its characters and actions probably do not align with subject and verbs." This statement is very true of the original sentence. I think that the subject of the sentence is "the new catalog," but to find that I had to read this sentence three of four times. The verb of this sentence is still unclear to me, but by rewriting this sentence, I have a better understanding of it.

First Impressions:Strunk and White

First Impressions: Strunk and White

I found that Strunk and White's elements of style was very useful to me. Although I was not aware of the rules of writing, I findt that I use many of these rules when I write. For example, when I was reading rule 20, that states "Keep related words together" I could relate to the issues with the first example. When I was reading this statement, I was very confused.

While reading Strunk and White's ideas, I found out some rules of wrting that I was not aware, it was very helpful to me for writing future papers.

"In terms of," on page 20, is a phrase that I found myself using in many of my writings. I thought that this term sounded very professional and I thougth that this statement gave more clarity to a specific topic. By reading, elements of style, I find that this statement should not be used in writing.correct, but when reading this article, I realize that it is not correct. It seems like some phrases are okay for speaking , but some phrases should not be used when writing.

Strunk and White's elements of style has made me realize that many people make up their own vocabulary. "Irregardless" is a word that I hear very often and I also find myself using this word sometimes. Before reading this essay, I would have never thought that this word did not exist. When reading the explanation on page 50, I realize that the word "irregardless" is like using a double negative, which is always wrong in writing.

In writing, word usage is always important. Page 51, of The Elements of Style, tells us that the words 'fewer' and 'less' are often misused. I did not know that these words related to different things. This is very helpful to me because in the past, I used these words interchangeably.

I feel that this reading was very helpful to me and it is one that I will refer to when I am writing future papers. I found that because people may use a certain word, or speak a certain way, this does not mean that it is correct when writing.

Inventing a New Technology

Writing techologies have progressed over the years. Today, we use pens, pencils and paper to write. All of these utensils are very lightweight and can be carried around easily. Many years ago, people wrote with a brush and a jar of ink. As clumsy as I am, I could not imagine walking around with a jar of ink. If the ink was to spill, it would ruin whatever it touches.

In this essay, I will invent a new way of writing by using charcoal and cardbboard.

Writing as a technology

Manguel and Baron discuss the histories of the technologies as a way to enlighten us and show us how spoiled the new generation has become with the advancements in technology. I believe that they also want to show us how these advancements have effected our ways of writing and thinking.

Baron discusses the old ways of writing and the many advances in technology. He also touches on the advantages and disadvantages of the new technology. In his essay, he starts out by telling us how the new technology came about. He believes that the new technology became available to the new generation because of the decrease in the prices and the availability of it to the world. This shows us that years ago there was not as much money and access, so other resources were not an option. When Baron made these comparisons, he showed us that when these advances in technology were not available, it seemed like people worked harder and put more effort and thinking into their writings. We went from ink in a jar to pens, form pencils without erasers to mechanical pencils. Now, we do not even use pen and paper to write, we use computers that do all of the spelling and grammar usage for us. Baron also made a comment that the only thing we use pen and paper for is a signature. When you think about it, that is very true. In conclusion, writing has faded away with the advancements in technology.

Manguel focuses on books and progresses in their shapes and forms. It seems that books from many years ago were not as easy to carry around. They were larger, heavier and required you to sit in one place and read them. They were not as portable as they are now. Even now with the advancements in book forms, it still seems like there are some people who still sit at a table and read a book, no matter its size. Also, with the advancements in books and there forms, books have become decorations for a room, but are still being read by millions of people. By changing the shapes and forms of books did not make a person want to read the book any more or less it just provided readers with a curiosity about the book.

Both of these essays seemed to focus on the advancements of technology in reading and writing and the outcomes of these advancements. The advancements in the technology of writing has pulled people away from the traditional ways of writing and thinking, while the advancements in books has not stopped people from wanting to sit down and read books.

I can relate to Baron description of the advancements in the technology of writing. I have forgotten how to write, in a sense, and when I am writing an essay on the computer, I do not on the correct spelling of my words and the correct usage of my grammar because I know that my computer will correct any of my errors.

Plato and Ong discussed the importance of writings and the benefits that it would have on future generations. It seems that their suspicions were correct because due to new technologies people do not take into consideration, the luxury of writing.

What is Style?

I think style is the way you write and the topics you write about. Style has a lot to do with your ideas and how you distinguish your writing from others. For example, you may good at writing stories, poems, or articles. These are all different styles of writing. Stories have details, but it involves having an imagination to keep the interest of your readers. Poems are shorter and involve a lot of creativity and deep thought. Articles can involve more facts and information that may take more of researching than thinking. I think that style can be many different things when you write.

Style can also relate to the way your pages are created and the font and
even a signature handwriting. "Style" is a very broad word that can relate to many topics and ways of writing.

Getting Started

My name is Shardae Bowlson, I will be a senior in the fall of 2008 and I am majoring in English Language. I have a son who is three years old and I love being a mom.